Day 133 - Something Cute

June 25th is a day in our family where we make the best with what we have been handed in life. Many people don't know, but Cara wasn't our first child. Our first son, Billy, would have been eight years old today. Although we didn't have him here with us for long, he has made a long-lasting impression on us and our kids forever.

I went in for my routine ultrasound appointment during my pregnancy with Billy where they discovered there was something very wrong with his heart. We went on to find out that the diagnosis was Fetal Supraventricular Tachycardia (SVT). His heart rate was double what it should have been. It was so fast that the fetal heart monitors at the hospital were unable to track it. The best way to treat it is by loading the mother up with toxic levels of heart stabilizing medication usually used in very small doses for the elderly. After weeks of living in a hospital bed (with my wonderful mother-in-law at my bedside the entire time!) to be monitored around the clock and receiving treatment by the nations best specialists, it was on to months of treatment at home. Billy was born via c-section on June 25, 2004. We were able to visit with him in the NICU and touch his foot. He was a beautiful little baby with bright blue eyes. He put up a strong fight, but we lost him the following night just after having him baptized. Needless to say, we were devastated. It felt as if our world had just collapsed on us.

When we found out I was pregnant with Cara (above, right) we were thrilled! We were so, so nervous about how the pregnancy would go, but were also assured that what we went through before would never happen again. It was just a fluke, thankfully. We realized that one day we'd have to decide what to tell Cara and our future kids about Billy. Do we just sort of skim over that part of our lives? Do we tell them little bits? No, we decided that we would tell them his whole story. Although he's not here with us, he's a part of our family forever and deserves to be talked about, thought about, and celebrated! They especially love knowing that they have a special guardian angel with them everywhere they go. He's also the keeper of all of our goldfish and frogs that have gone to heaven throughout the years. It makes them happy to know that although they lost a pet, Billy now has another one. :)

Before the kids were old enough to really comprehend everything, his birthday was always kind of a sad day for the hubs and I. We would imagine what we'd be doing with him on his birthday. What he would look like and sound like. Now, I think we just tie him in with the rest of the kids and know that he would have fit right in. His birthday is now a day to celebrate him and his short life. We make a birthday cake for him, sing, and blow out his candles (tonight we re-lit the candles about 5 times because each kid had to make sure their breath was the one to blow the candles out..or else). The girls had so much fun helping me make his cake today :)  They love their big brother! <3